since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
