omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
should my penis look like a turkey
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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