You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
