at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
