You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
