you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We were destined to go to rehab together
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
