Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
the day after is always just damage control
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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