dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
