my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
