he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
