I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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