im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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