I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Randomize
