his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
