Can i not drive my cunt home
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
