Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Randomize
