Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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