my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
