A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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