I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Even the bartender felt bad for me
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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