you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
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Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
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My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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