so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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