Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
