remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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