i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
