just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
