I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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