i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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