She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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