There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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