You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We left the knife in your bed.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
