apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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