Don't you send me to vm
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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