So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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