He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
