sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I have post one night stand depression
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
