It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
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