if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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