I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
