if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
