I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
