Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
