Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
