I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
