Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
