I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
