I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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