I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.