If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
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I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
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I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.