my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
