i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
