you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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