Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
