I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
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you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
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A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
there is glitter all over my balls
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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