We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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