Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
How does it feel to date your dad?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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