Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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