Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
