Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
How does it feel to date your dad?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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