My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
