The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
